Third time's the charm
by Poofx
Summary: Juice never OD'd at Diosa, because he never made it past the door. Instead, he makes a beeline to a mental hospital. Something a Son would never do. Can a stay in a mental hospital really help him or is it the new friends he makes while he's there? Set at the end of S6, some events of S7 will be the same. Will eventually be a Jax/OC. Check it out!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys!**

 **It's been a long time coming, but I love Sons of Anarchy and I can't get it out of my head since I watched the series again, so it's been sucking up my muse for other stories, which I will hopefully update sometime this week or next, I know some people won't be happy about this but it's happening lol.**

 **So I'll start off by saying I wasn't happy with the ending of Sons of Anarchy (who was?) and I wasn't exactly happy with how Juice was treated throughout seasons 5, 6 and definitely not season 7. So, I'm centering this story around that time mostly at the end of season 6 and the start of season 7, somethings will be the same from season 7, but I'm planning on making it mostly my own.**

 **Things like Tara's death and Gemma killing her will be the same, Juice disappearing, a new sheriff, Wendy sticking around, Jax going off the deep end but he doesn't kill Jury, the whole triad war doesn't happen but things are still tense. I'll decide more if I feel like it needs to be added it but until then you'll have to read the story to find out!**

 **Anyways, this is being centred on Juice for the start but it will be a Jax/OC eventually it'll just take some time!**

 **Disclaimer: all my OC's are my own such as Hannah and Jason, but anything else belongs to Kurt Stutter.**

 **Enjoy!**

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Juice didn't know what he was doing. His mind was spilt with one side, (the crazy, voices side) arguing that he should go into Diosa and pop those Oxy pills, and just relax like Bobby said. The other more rational, and slightly less crazy side told him he needed to get out. That he needed help. Professional help. The guilt on his shoulders was inhuman. He was drowning under the weight of it all. Of all the killings. Miles, Darvany and now Clay. How was he supposed to come back from this?

Juice didn't know. He doesn't know a lot of things lately. Live or die. Go deeper or go away. Fall apart or become stone. He could feel the Oxy burning a hole in his cut pocket as he stood outside of Diosa, smoking and leaning against his bike. He should be three sheets to the wind and knee deep in pussy right now, the normal way a biker should deal, but Juice isn't normal and he never was. He's not a stone cold killer like Happy or Tig, or even Jax. He's not a diplomat or reasonable person like Bobby, he's not a justifiable or loyal person like Chibs. He's Juice. He's a child. He's sensitive and too dependable. He needs the club. He eat, sleeps and breathes the club.

He's also a betrayer. A backstabber. A rat. He might have earned his way back but it doesn't stop the worry. The fact that any day now the rest of the club will find out he killed Miles, a brother, to save his own rat ass craves away at his mind. He trusts Jax, he does. But he's scared. And a scared Juice is an unpredictable Juice.

He just wants it all to end. All the questions, uncertainty, _the guilt_. He wants the voices to go away. The sound of Miles in his head, the gasp of Darvany and the comfort of the pillow in his hand. Clays understanding gaze. It all makes him guiltier and dirtier. He wants to go back to a time when he could freely walk into the clubhouse and laugh along with his brothers without feeling guilty for smiling. He wants to go back to when there was a full table of brothers, not newbies and mistrustful glances. He wants to go back to feeling like a family. He wants to feel clean again. He wants to feel like he's doing good.

It's been months and months since he felt like he's been doing any kind of good in the world, he'd rather be physically in prison again than in the mental prison he's been in up till now. He felt like he had been doing some good by helping Clay out when he needed it, turns out that was all a ploy and he had been a pawn in Jax's grand scheme. That's all he felt like lately a pawn, to be moved here and there when needed. And he deserved no less. In fact he probably deserved less than that.

With these thoughts swirling around in his head Juice stomped out his cigarette and started for the front door of Diosa the Oxy in his hand but stops short just of the door handle. The sound of chatter and laughter greeted his ears and made his stomach squirm. He doesn't deserve comfort. He doesn't deserve laughter or happiness. _You deserve to be dead._ The voice that sounded so much like Miles flashes in his mind. _Dead, dead, dead, DEAD!_ The chant continued as Juice's shook his head and tears filled his eyes. Through his blurred vision he could make out three figures: two males and one female.

 _Dead, dead, dead…rat, rat, rat….murder, murder, murder…_ "No, no, no, no. I had to. I _had_ to!" Juice shook his head back and forth as the figures approached him and he back away.

 _You had choices, you didn't have to. You choose to be a rat, a murder, a betrayer._

"No, I didn't. I had no other choice, Miles h-he was going to tell. And Darvany, she was out of her m-mind." _Like you are?_

"No!"

 _Yes. Do it, Juice. Do what they want._

"No, they don't want that." _Don't they? Chibs can't look at you and Jax would throw you to the club if he needs to. Just end it all now. Do it now, juicy! DO IT!_

Juice jumped when all three figures pounced for him, he quickly started up his bike wiping the tears out of his eyes as he heard the voices shouting at him. The roar of his bike drowned them out slightly, but he could still hear their mumbling. _Do it, do it, do it._

He tore straight out of the parking lot and straight for the highway. He didn't even have to stop to figure out where he was going because he knew. It was now or never.

Juice drove the hour and a half from Charming to Berkeley straight without once giving into the voices. He needed help. He pulled up just outside of the hospitals entrance and said a silent prayer as he shook off his knife,gun and cut, feeling a weight physical and mentally being lifted from him as he folded it neatly and put it in his side bag. He hoped someone would look after his bike.

 _You're doing the wrong thing. They can't help you. No one can._

For once Juice ignored the voice as he took his first steps towards the hospital.

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 **Read &Review please and thank you! **

**Poofx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello readers! A huge thank you to everyone that followed, favourite, and reviewed. Thank you to stordec23, Foreverkee, pointless-ramblings and** **Fort Knoxxx for reviewing its much appreciated! I wasn't too sure how people were going to respond to this story but I'm glad some people are interested.**

 **This chapter is introducing my OC Hannah and the mental hospital. I haven't went too much into Hannah's character just yet because I want it to come out in small bits when she talks to Juice. Also the information I got on Juice is a mixture of Theo Rossi's information and just made up numbers and what not.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclamier: I don't own anything Sons of Anarchy, just my own OC's.**

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 **Chapter 2**

 **Newbie**

 _Date: 27/09/2013_

 **PATIENT INFORMATION**

 _ **Patients name:**_ Juan Carlos Ortiz "Juice" _**Date of birth:**_ 04/06/1985 _**Age:**_ 31 _**Sex:**_ Male

 _ **Address:**_ 122 Asbury Road, Charming, California. _**Phone number:**_ (425) 555-1212.

 _ **Status:**_ Single _**Occupation:**_ Mechanic (biker)

 _ **Reasons for entry:**_ Voluntary admission.

Hearing voices.

Experiencing personality splits.

 _ **In case of emergency: Name:**_ Teller-Morrow Garage. _**Relationship to patient:**_ Employer _ **. Phone number:**_ 760-897-4523

 _ **Doctors/nurses notes:**_ Extremely distressed when admitted last night. Scared and jumpy, possibility of schizophrenia and/or bipolar disorder.

Hannah's eyes scanned over some of the information she had been handed from the hospital's most recent patient. A short reason for entry was a new one for her. She was used to seeing long reasons for entry and a mile list of problems, especially for the late entries. Patients that admit to the hospital late at night were usually always pushed to admit themselves or in extreme distress and they felt like they had a list of issues that need to be addressed. This Juan Carlos or "Juice" is obviously an exception to the rule here. Hannah's curiosity was spiked.

Coming into work this morning Hannah wasn't expecting to be handed last night's newest addition to the hospital, this was more rookie work introducing new patients and Hannah considered herself to be more of a senior nurse, working in the hospital for more than five years now. She was used to working close with the psychiatrists and doctors, not introducing new patients again. She had done her fair share of introductions.

Working in a hospital must people assumed she was a doctor or nurse and technically she was a nurse but she worked on the psych ward, no big deal right? Others found mental health work a bit daunting and scary. The stigma that was attached to mental health hundreds of years ago still stands today with some people and Hannah just didn't understand how some people could see that as a weakness. She had seen first-hand how difficult the toll a mental illness could be on person and how strong it takes to be able to overcome your mind. Hannah applauded those that come to terms and live with their mental illness, it's no quick fix.

Working on the psych ward gives Hannah a sense of purpose and more positivity than it should but she can't help but feel proud when she sees some of the patients walk out of the hospital. It's hard not to get attach to the patients because you're helping them through some of their toughest moments, but with five years under her belt since she finished her nursing studies, Hannah now finds herself feeling a bit unattached to her work.

Like everyone at some point in their lives they lose sight of their purpose or become uninterested in their lives and for Hannah at twenty-nine she found herself in that slump. She loved her job, she did, but it had become mundane. And that was hard to say for someone that worked in a mental hospital. Surprisingly, the patients weren't as 'crazy' as people think patients should be in a mental hospital. Of course, there is three or four patients that will never leave the hospital but the majority of the patients do walk out the door again, some come back and others never do.

"What's up Nurse Collins?" Hannah's deep hazel eyes shot up to look at Peter a daytime orderly that couldn't take a hint.

"Hello Peter." Hannah tried to be as polite as possible with him but having shot him down twice before for a date and he was still trying, was starting to wear on Hannah's nerves.

"How are you doing?" Peter was leering quite openly at her. His dark brown eyes moving slowly up and down her scrubbed clothed body. Hannah shivered under his gaze, not in a good way.

"Fine, thank you. You?"

"Better now that you're at work."

Oh God, Hannah resisted the urge to roll her eyes to heaven. The silence grew awkward and prolonged as Peter smirked at her and Hannah tried to find her exit. Nurses and other orderlies walked by the nurse's station and Hannah followed one nurse's path until she reached the security doors. Just as Peter was about to say something again, Hannah quickly opened her mouth.

"Ok, well I better get going." Hannah briefly made contact with Peters smirking eyes and then tapped the clip board with the new patient's information. "Work to do."

Peter bit down on his lip and nodded his head as Hannah scurried away putting her passkey over her head. Hannah could feel Peter's dark stare on her back even after the heavy security doors closed behind her. Peter wasn't a bad looking guy, he was exactly what she would be looking for in a guy. Tall, dark hair, dark eyes, muscular. Total prince charming. Except he was the exact opposite. A class A fucking prick, that couldn't seem to take no for an answer. He was the college jock that never grew up and couldn't put his college degree to work so Daddy pulled some strings. Hannah was glad to be away from him, just being in his presence drained her. She could feel her brain cells dying around him.

It was early as Hannah made her way through the common room and only Martha and Jim-Jim were up and about. Martha was a woman in her thirties with no family, her kids had died in a freak accident and she had never come back from it. Jim-Jim was older and he was still living the fifties. These were two of some of the permanent patients and they were also the early birds on the wing, everyone else got up at different times from eight a.m. to eleven, everyone had to be up by eleven or else they would miss breakfast and the first dose of the days med hand outs.

Hannah waved hello to Martha and smiled at Jim-Jim who shook his head at her. He didn't believe women should be work or living alone. He often passed sexist comments to the nurses and he firmly believed that they shouldn't speak back when he spoke these thoughts. He was often found in a verbal sparring match with Jane another nurse, who refused to listen to his comments, raised by a single mother and raised to be fiercely independent, they often clashed.

The common room was empty besides Martha and Jim-Jim and the sound of the TV in the background as they ate their breakfast on their trays. The common room was large enough to fit in a flat screen TV high on the wall, six plastic tables with a few board games, checkers, chess and jigsaws on top of each of them and scattered around the room was plastic chairs. It was a decently sized room and you wouldn't think it was in a mental hospital if it wasn't for the bars on the windows.

After the common room the bedrooms started, there was twenty bedrooms altogether for patients with two beds per room. Hannah had yet to see all the rooms occupied on full basis. After the bedrooms, there was five psychiatrists' offices where one on one sessions took place. Hannah was often found in the common room when group sessions took place and just wandering around checking on patients. She often sat and talked in detail with patients, especially the younger ones. She felt like she connected with them more so than older patients. She could see hope in their eyes, but also a huge amount of sadness and despair, she liked to think her chats with them helped ease that sadness.

Most of the door were opened to the bedrooms and some patients were waking up and lying down, some quietly others loudly. Hannah sighed, her day was only beginning. Down at the end of the hall in room 206 was the newbie. He was all alone and wide awake.

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Juices first night in the loony bin wasn't as bad as he was expecting. He was expecting screams, shouts and loud cries, he was surprised when he barely heard any. He heard the odd shout or cry when he was lying down. He was too stressed to sleep. This was a new place, a new scary place. And he was terrified. There was no one in the single bed beside him and he was happy with that. The voices gave him enough company, and boy had they been chatting up a storm last night.

From the moment his back had hit the mattress they were on him.

 _What are you doing here?_

 _Do you think it'll_ _actually_ _help_ _you_ _?_

 _There's no helping a lying, rat murder._

 _You're a fool juicy._

On and on they went, never once relenting throughout the night. Juice paced his new room trying to block them out, he looked out the bared window, he pleaded with his hands over his ear for them to stop but they never did. Not once throughout the night. He was wide awake as dawn crept in the window and so were the voices. He kind of wished there was someone in the bed across from him, just for the sheer presence of another human being. Just so he wasn't alone with them.

He had lost track of time since he entered the hospital and there was no clocks around him to help him judge but he had been awake when he heard his door being unlocked and pushed opened for the day. A bright light danced across his room when the door was opened and a glare was coming from the white walls all around him. He assumed this was waking up time but he didn't move from the single bed. He was too drained to move.

He had being lying there for about an hour since the door had been pushed open when he finally met his first person in the hospital. She was obviously a nurse, because she was wearing the same dark blue uniform that the nurse who had admitted him last night was. She had dark, almost black hair tied back in a French plait that wrapped around her shoulder and stopped on the middle of her chest. She had an oval face with high cheek bones and full lips, but she was too far away from him to see the color of her eyes. She was very pretty. And he was happy that a face like hers was the first he got to see in here.

"Good morning, Mr. Ortiz. My names Hannah Collins and I'm a nurse here. I'm here to introduce you to your surroundings and make sure you're settling in okay." Hannah smiled wide as she looked over at the man lying on the bed. She was surprised when she took in a Mohawk and tattoos on his head, but even more surprised by the big brown doe eyes and what she saw in them. A man fighting a war. With himself.

He was quiet for a few moments as he took her in. "….Morning."

"How're are you feeling?"

Juice looked like a deer caught in the headlines. He didn't know how to answer that question in here. Outside of the hospital, he would have been saying fine and okay, but in here he wasn't sure if he should say what was going on in his head or fine.

"Um…I don't know." Juice's voice was timid and uncertain as he answered Hannah.

Hannah smiled slightly at Juan's answer. It was a fairly common response. "That's okay. It's natural to be overwhelmed. It's a big change."

"Yeah I guess." Juice sat up and shrugged his shoulders. He was trying to come across as cool and collected but inside he was falling apart. Hannah could see this.

"Okay… well when you want to talk more I'm always around." Hannah smiled timidly and sat down on the bed across from Juan. She continued talking.

"I'm going to talk you through the schedule around here. Breakfast stops at eleven so you should make sure you're up before then or else someone will come and wake you. That's also when the first dose of medicine is administrated for the day, everyone is on different medication around here so you'll be giving different amounts. Your psychiatrist will determine what medication you will need and we'll be informed. You _must_ take your medication. It will help."

"After breakfast you will have one on one session with your psychiatrist for an hour. That usually last anywhere from half eleven to two o' clock, depending on the psychiatrist schedules. You'll have to wait until you're called for your session. After that you will have lunch, then group sessions are scheduled from three to five, you can participate if you want but you must sit in the circle. After group sessions are over, dinner will be served and you'll have you're second dose of medicine and an hour of recreation time and then lights out. Simple enough?"

Hannah glanced at Juan to see his eyes wide and glazed over and a dull expression on his face. He wasn't listening to her.

"Mr. Ortiz?" Nothing.

A few beats passed.

"Mr. Ortiz?" Still Nothing.

"Juan?!" Hannah's voice raised slightly as she looked closely at the young man sitting across from him. Finally Juice snapped back, his brown eyes staring directly at her.

"Are you okay?" Hannah's deep hazel eyes were full of concern as she looked him over.

"It's Juice." Juice's voice broke slightly as he tried to block out them in his head. They were getting louder.

"Excuse me?"

"My n-name is Juice."

Hannah was confused but settled for his answer. She'd heard quite a few unique names before. "Okay….Juice. Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine." Juice dismissed Hannah's concern quickly. He didn't deserve concern.

"Was it….the voices?" Hannah didn't want to pry so soon but it was her job.

Juice looked startled that someone actually knew what had happened right now. Nobody knew what was going on in his head but right now this pretty nurse knew, because that was her job. _She's supposed to know these things dummy._ Clay's voice was in his ear now.

Juice didn't know how to respond. He was so used to lying lately he didn't know if telling the truth would get him killed or in big trouble, how was he supposed to answer her? She could obviously see him in distress and wanted to help. _But you don't deserve help, do you Juicy?_

"I do. That's what I came here for." Juice wasn't talking to Hannah he was talking to them.

"Juice?"

"What?" Juice forgot Hannah was in the room. He was embarrassed that she had witnessed his episode.

"I asked if it was the voices again?" Hannah was concerned at how quickly Juice was snapping out of his episodes.

"No." Juice answered quickly. He was too ashamed to admit to this weakness.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of Juice. Everyone needs help now and again. We're here to try and keep the episodes to a minimum and help you develop ways to deal with your episodes and live a normal life."

"Is that your slogan?" Juice raised his eyebrows at Hannah.

Hannah laughed lightly and said "No. It's the truth but it's the cheesy truth." Juice chuckled and smiled at Hannah. Hannah's laugh was light and cute.

"Why don't we walk and talk? I'll show you around and we can chat for a bit before you get something to eat?" Hannah suggested as she stood and extended her hand to Juice. Juice was a bit hesitant to take Hannah's hand but he did and he stood tentatively.

"Let's walk and talk."

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 **Read & Review please and thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello my beautiful readers! A huge big thank you to everyone that followed, favourite and reviewed! It's very much appreciated and I love hearing from you guys! Big thanks to Emmettluver2010, stordec23 and carterjorja.**

 **So this chapter has moved on a bit, only a small bit, and I've tied in a small part from the actual programme let me know if you want to see more bits like that and I've included a good bit of Hannah and Juice. Next chapter I'm thinking might just be from Juice's point of view.**

 **Disclaimer; I don't own any of Sons of Anarchy, just my own characters.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 3**

 **Group sessions.**

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It had been two weeks since Juice admitted himself to the mental hospital in Berkeley and so far he was…. adjusting. He was slowly becoming accustomed to the hospitals routine, breakfast at nine he was an early riser like Martha and Jim-Jim, his first dose of medicine of the day, then his one on one session with his therapist Doctor Lyons at noon every second day, lunch, group sessions (in which he still hadn't spoken in), dinner, meds, recreation and then bed. Juice loved the routine. The simple and calm routine, it eased his OCD, calmed his mind slightly and just made him relax that bit more. He wasn't on edge all the time waiting for the next unexpected explosion to occur.

His first session with his therapist was very quiet. Juice had learnt his lesson with being a rat. Eventually he started to open up to Doctor Lyons about the 'other' side of his life, whilst changing certain names and illegal activities. Right now, Doctor Lyons knew just about everything there was to know on the build up to the time he tried to take his own life with slightly altered versions of the truth and certain events. He had yet to mention the name of his club, just that he was in a motorcycle club. It didn't take a genius for the Doctor to figure out which club, there wasn't that many around the Berkeley area.

They were making slow process considering Juice didn't speak about himself for the first few sessions opting to instead talk about things he noticed around the hospital and whatever stuff he had seen on the TV. Eventually they had to start getting into the thick of things and Juice was starting to feel a bit lighter, but they were still there. The voices were still in the back of his mind and they often popped up when he least expected them or in group sessions.

Like right now.

 _Juicy you don't even care! Why are you still sitting here?!_

 _What is this douche bag talking about?_

 _You're so selfish Juicy you're only thinking about yourself, as per usual._

"You're not real. You're not real." Juice whispered quietly whilst sandwiched between Marley, a male patient and Alice a young patient.

Juice always opted to sit in between them because they too like him, mumbled to themselves, only theirs were unintelligible and constant. Juice was just talking to himself. There was currently twelve people sitting in the 'circle.' Six girls and six boys. Right now Jesse the twitchy dude as Juice referred to him, was talking in the circle and Juice had learnt to drown him out after one or two group sessions. Jesse's twitchiness was present in his physical appearance and his voice. He had a serious stammer problem which made him take forever to tell his story, but he was forced as part of his therapy to talk at least twice during group sessions. This was his first time talking in the circle today.

 _Just another twenty minutes before he tells another story._

 _Another story you won't listen to again, asshole._

 _Well at least he's trying, unlike someone we know here._

"Stop, stop, just stop." Juice mumbled rocking back and forth slightly. Marley was muttering furiously beside him and snapping his jaw.

"Thank you Jesse. That was very informative. I didn't know there was such much to electronics of a fridge." Hannah's soft voice carried through the circle while Jesse finished his last word. Jesse blushed and smiled softly at Hannah. He was only young, about twenty two years old, he had admitted himself about six months ago when his stutter and twitching made his anxiety fly through the roof and keep him from leaving his house. He had grown so accustomed to the hospital's routine that he didn't want to leave just yet.

"Juice?" Hannah called down to him as she noticed him mumbling quietly to himself. He didn't think she noticed when he did that but she had been noticing it since day one of group sessions. He thought he was being clever by sitting with Marley and Alice but she saw right through his plan. He was still feeling guilty for talking to himself.

"…Yeah?" Came the timid reply. Juice always seemed to shrink into himself when he was in group sessions. He knew what she was going to ask him to do. She asked every session.

"Feel like sharing today?" Hannah smirked. She knew what he would say 'no not today. Or any day'.

"No, not today." Juice shook his head feeling eyes on him. "Or any day." He whispered to himself.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." Hannah sighed and resisted the urge to shake her head. Juice was being very stubborn. She didn't think it was that bad to talk about themselves or anything they wanted to in the circle. Juice obviously thought it was world ending.

"Okay. We'll move on. Anyone else want to share?" Hannah offered to the group. Many people avoided her eye and Juice was one of them. Jesse was gearing up to raise his hand, but Hannah ignored him hoping someone else would want to share. Just as Jesse was about to raise his hand fully Hannah spoke again.

"Alright well why don't I share something today?" There was a few mumbles and heads lifting up. Hannah didn't share often in group sessions unless absolutely necessary.

"Okay, so when I was a kid I used to know this little girl. She was very quiet and kept to herself, but she was always dirty or hungry. Everyone in my school used to laugh at her and bully her, but they didn't know that her mother was unwell and in hospital. That little girl was alone for months until eventually someone called social services. She had to live with taking care of herself, her own thoughts and the demons that her mother left behind. She was ten years old. The only reason I know such much about her is because my family adopted her."

"It took months for her to talk to us, or smile. She constantly hid her clothes and food, in case she wouldn't have any again. She didn't trust any of us for a long time. Until, one day she finally realised that we weren't going anywhere and neither was she. She was the poster child for adoption after that. Except for at night. Just like her mother she had demons. She talked to herself for a long time, because that was all she had to talk to. Herself and the voices in her head. So, when we found out my family thought it was best to try therapy, that didn't work. So the next step was to try a hospital. She was deranged when she was separated from us, but over the course of a year she found her place."

"She found confidence in herself, her demons and the ones her mother left behind had been controlled and of course she had set backs, but for the past six years she hasn't heard a voice in her head that wasn't her own." Hannah finished her story on a positive note, but thinking back through the years it wasn't a positive experience to live and witness. She had picked this story because she knew it would speak to Juice. And she was right. He was watching her intently but she couldn't read his expression.

"Nice story." Juice commented, moving to lean his arms on his knees.

"Thank you, but it just goes to show you guys that you can beat this and you can control your thoughts and mind. All you have to do is try." Hannah smiled brightly trying to lift the mood in the group.

"Right try." Juice smirked at her in a condescending manner. She wasn't sure where this Juice was coming from. From their talks during the week she had gathered Juice was a sensitive guy, despite being in a motorcycle group. But he was open and honest with her and she enjoyed their talks every evening before her shift ended.

"Yes, Juice. All you can do is try your best."

"I have a question about your story." Juice had a wicked grin on his face, something she didn't think Juice could possess.

"Ask away."

"What was the kid's name that your family adopted?"

Hannah knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to touch a nerve with her because she was always touching nerves with him. After a pause of silence Hannah decided not to play his game.

"Ava. Her names Ava." Juice looked a little shocked as he leaned back in his plastic chair. The smirk now completely wiped from his face. Hannah smirked slightly because she knew what he was trying to get at.

Before any more words could be exchanged between the two Jesse spoke up to Hannah's right.

"I-I-I have a-a-a story I-I-I wan-t-t-t to share."

"Go ahead Jesse." Hannah glanced away from Juice towards the young man.

After group sessions were over Hannah watched as Juice sat down at a table of his own to eat dinner. She was aware of the orderlies walking around watching the patients and a few other nurses pottering up and down. It went against protocol to sit with patients while they were eating but many nurses did sit down with the patients to eat their own food.

"Mind if I sit?" Hannah asked Juice holding her own tray of food.

"Sure." Juice mumbled. Hannah sat down across from Juice and began to pick at her peas and broccoli. They ate in silence for a few minutes with the occasional noise from the TV and other patients in the background.

"I'm just going to ask, what happened in group today?"

"What do you mean?" Juice was pretending to play the innocent puppy.

"I mean, the first time you ever speak in group and it's to make me try to look stupid? I've been here a long time Juice, I know most of the tricks."

"….I wasn't trying to make you look stupid."

"Yes you were. You're sick of feeling vulnerable and you're lashing out, I've seen it before. You're not the first patient I'll dealt with." Hannah spoke a matter of factually.

"Yeah well so what if I am? I hate that stupid group. It makes no sense. Why should we have to sit there and swap girly stories about each other? Half of the people in the group are so doped up they can't remember their own names, the other half can barely speak!"

Hannah narrowed her eyes at Juice and pointed her plastic fork at him. "Group is there to remind you you're not alone in your struggle. It's there to help you understand that some people have it worse off than you, it's there so you can see improvements in yourself and others and feel proud."

"More like it shows what I'm going to turn into if I stay here any longer! A drooling mess!" Juice exclaimed loudly causing some of the orderlies to turn in their direction.

Hannah huffed at Juice's response. "If you have an issue with anything you can always talk to your therapist about it. Or say it in group."

"I don't wanna talk in that stupid group."

"It's not stupid, Juice."

"Yeah it is."

"No it's not. It's there to help you." Hannah rolled her eyes at his stubbornness.

"Why do I have to talk all the time?! I talk to Doctor Lyons, I talk to you all the time! I don't need to talk in that stupid group." Juice was sick of talking. He just wanted to be cured.

 _That's what this place is all about Juicy, you gotta talk about your feelings alllllll the dammmn time!_

 _Betcha didn't think about that didja Juicy? Another idiot mistake._

"Look, I know it takes some time to get used to, but these things are in place to help _you._ Yeah sure you might not like but you have to do it. Sharing makes people feel better and knowing you're in a safe circle with people with the same issues helps. I promise."

Juice scoffed and shoved his tray back on the table. "Yeah sure whatever." _Couldn't even finish your pie Juicy._

"Don't do that, Juice. Don't dismiss it. It does help." Hannah scolded. He was acting like such a child.

"I'm not. I have no choice but to accept it." Juice admitted begrudgingly. If this hospital was teaching him anything it was that he had to accept a lot of things he didn't like. The voice, the meds, the talking, the group sessions.

"So you'll talk more in group now?" Hannah knew she was pushing her luck but God loves a trier.

"….Yeah, no, I don't know. We'll see." Juice couldn't resist the small smile on Hannah's face. She was only trying to help.

"Try, that's all I ask."

"That's all you ever ask." Hannah laughed and pushed Juice's tray back towards him.

"Shut up and finish your pie."

* * *

"Where the _fuck_ is Juice?!" Jax slammed his hand down on the reaper table out of frustration. It was his first day out of prison since Tara's death and his parole violation. After setting the club straight about the plan for revenge for Tara's murder, he moved on to the next serious topic. Where the fuck is Juice.

"Dunno boss." Montez was the first to answer earning him a glare from the president.

"We checked his place, everything's clean not a thing out of place. No bike and no cut though. Not answering calls either." Chibs spoke next, lighting up a cigarette beside him.

"Talked to Nero too, he didn't see Juicy at Diosa that night I told him to go. All he seen was Juice on the front cameras for a few minutes then he high tailed it out of there. Hasn't been seen since." Bobby spoke through his wild mane of hair whilst pulling on it.

Jax sighed and rubbed his hands over his face.

"…..You don't think… he yano, ran do you?" Tig asked the obvious question in the room. Jax glanced at Chibs to his left. It was quite possible after all the shit they put him through.

"No, I don't know." Jax sighed again and flexed his fingers on the table in front of him. His table. "Juice has been in a rough place these past couple of months. Clay dying could have been the final straw."

"So maybe he just took some time out? Maybe he's tied up with some gash?" Happy spoke from his right. It wouldn't be the first time a brother needed space.

"Yeah, maybe. As of right now, Juice isn't our top priority. There was no sign of a struggle so we're going to assume he took some time out. After all this is dealt with we'll set our sights on him. Agree?" Nods all around the table made Jax feel more comfortable with his decision to bang the gravel in his hand and forget about Juice for the time being.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Hello lovely readers! Super sorry about the delay in updates, but I recently got a new puppy and he's a little attention seeker so he has been taking up a lot of my time lately. Also, I've never worked with a Beta before or know much about how they work but I have been looking for a Beta so if anyone would like to help me out it's much appreciated. As usual your reviews, favorites and follows are keep me updating and sticking with this story and I'm very thankful to all of you for sticking with this story.**

 **I've hit a little block with writing depressed Juice, and I'm not sure how I'm going to pull him out of his craziness. I'm trying to keep this as real life as possible and it's not easy to get rid of mental health problems, but I'm also aware that not everyone wants to read sad Juice all the time, because it can be draining, trust me I know it's draining writing it sometimes.**

 **Hopefully this chapter might show you that there's a bit of a change going on in Juice's progress, but he still has a long way to go.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 4**

* * *

The tick of the clock in the background soothed Juice's rapid thoughts as he sat on the soft couch in Doctor Lyon's room. Doctor Lyons was sat across from him with his long legs folded and he's black socks peeking out from his suit. Doctor Lyons was a young enough doctor, he was in his thirties with blonde hair neatly combed to the side. He was good looking in the 'clean, cut' sense, but there was no ring on his finger or pictures on his desk. Juice has been speculating for a few days now if the doctors were even allowed to have anything personal in here.

"Tell me about her." Doctor Lyon's voice was smooth and professional as he addressed Juice about Darvany.

He couldn't talk about _her_. He really couldn't. It hurt too much. She was so innocent. She was a mother. _She was a junkie. She was unpredictable. She lost her son, because of you._

"Why not?"

"Because I can't."

"Juice." Doctor Lyons sighed. They had been here before. "We have to talk about these things. So, that we can address those voices and create a solution."

Juice knew this. He had known this since day one, but it hurt. It hurt to open up wounds he had been trying and failing to close up.

"…She was pretty, she had short blonde hair and pretty face but she had a problem. She was a junkie, but she was also a mother. I didn't know much about her except that she was a liability. And liabilities are bad. Really bad."

"So what did you do Juice?"

Juice's voice caught in his throat and a lump formed there. He couldn't say the words. "I had to be on good terms again. I had to deal with the situation."

Darvany was the pushing point for Juice, she was the reason for the voices and the thousand pound weight of guilt on his shoulders. It was bad before her but he was slowly pulling himself together after he's failed suicide attempt, he was coming to terms with killing Miles. It had been self-defensive for him. He told himself that over and over again until he slowly started to believe it, but then came Chibs and Jax and his redemption.

Darvany was supposed to be his redemption but she ended up being his demise.

He couldn't convenience himself it was self-defence this time because it wasn't even close to a struggle or fight, it had been plain unprovoked motivated murder. He was a cold-blooded murder. There was no justifying killing an innocent mother no matter how unstable or addicted to drugs she was. Murder is murder but Miles is justifiable. Or so, Juice tells himself.

Juice had lost his last shred of his humanity when he put the soft pillow over Darvany's pretty face. He could literally feel his soul shatter into a thousand razor sharp pieces as Darvany struggled for her last breaths. That's when Juice knew there was no coming back from himself. He wasn't exactly sure when the voices started. If it was as soon as Darvany took her last breath and he tried to tell himself it was the right thing to do or if they started an hour later, a day, hell even a week later. All Juice knew was they were there and they chatted up a storm.

"Be on good terms with who Juice?" Doctor Lyon's smooth voice pulled Juice from his thoughts while he stared in the distance at the ticking clock over the Doctors head.

"My family."

"Your family would make you 'get rid' of someone, knowing the pervious events?"

Juice's large brown eyes snapped to look at the Doctors blue eyes. This was the first time Doctor Lyons had mentioned that he was reading between the lines of Juice's lies. Juice had a feeling the Doctor knew all of his little white lies and twisted events were just that white lies and twisted events.

"…I didn't kill her. I-I-I just had to make her go away."

Doctor Lyons didn't look convinced as he met Juice's lie head on. "If you say so, Juice. You just made her go away. Your family still made you do that. Family doesn't make you do things you don't want, Juice."

"You don't understand I _had_ to. She couldn't stick around. I _had_ to redeem myself." Juice remembered what Jax said word for word.

"I understand that, but you said you had a big family correct?" Juice nodded his head weakly. "So, why did it have to be you, besides the redemption. Surely there was another way to redeem yourself and surely they knew what would happen if you did make her go away, yes?"

"Yeah, I guess." Juice shrugged indifferently, he still killed Darvany no matter who gave the order. _He_ was still the murder.

 _Yes you are._

"Juice, what I'm trying to make you see is that although _you_ committed those actions, there was a string of people behind you pulling in certain directions so that you felt like those actions were your only way out. Do you understand?" Doctor Lyons un-crossed his legs and rested his elbows on his knees to mirror Juice's posture.

"So… you're saying I was manipulated?" Juice scoffed in disgust. Sons didn't get manipulated. But he was barely a son anymore.

"More or less, yes. Did you know that as part of police training they are required to know how to read people and take psychology classes to help with integrations and in those psychology classes they teach them about manipulation."

"Yeah I know Doc." Juice replied in a 'duh' voice as if it was obvious news. Juice had told Doctor Lyons all about Roosevelt and the Assistant DA turning him into a rat.

Doctor Lyons smirked at Juice's snide reply but continued speaking

"Did you also know, that it's extremely hard to know when you're being manipulated until you take yourself out of a certain situation or an outside source tells you otherwise. Manipulation is one of the strongest tools a human can use against another human. Most people don't even realize when they are being manipulative, it's such a common occurrence from relationships down to friendships. To the girlfriend wearing the pretty top to make her boyfriend do something she wants, to the friend that makes you watch a movie you hate. Manipulation comes in all shapes and forms, Juice."

Juice knew that too. But he was smart, at least he consider himself smart enough to read people to know when he was being lied to and cheated. Maybe, just maybe Jax and Chibs had manipulated him? Giving that they had known he wasn't in the best frame of mind maybe they had taken advantage of that? Juice didn't want to think of his brothers like that. He wanted to think of them as trying to help him and save him by doing that one terrible act, but there was something plaguing his thoughts about it all.

Jax didn't want to kill Darvany because he was new best friends with Nero, he didn't want that stain on their business arrangement, Chibs wouldn't do it because he had morals, but Happy and Tig had been there, yet he still chose him? Not just because he owed a debt, because Jax knew what he had been through, he knew what would happen to Juice when he killed Darvany, he just didn't care. Sure, shit had been pilling with Opie's death and Tara's jail stint but that still didn't give Jax the right to use him and…. Manipulate him. Just like Doctor Lyons had said. Juice had been manipulated and he was only seeing that now.

"I understand what you're saying Doc." Juice hated to admit it but he had been manipulated.

"So you understand while your actions caused the voices to appear, the decisions of others essentially created them into existence." It was a statement, not a question and that got Juice's mind reeling.

He had never thought about the voices in that way, he had always just accepted them as part of his own guilty conscious but now he realised that other people's decisions and actions had played a role in the creation of the voices and for that Juice held some anger at them. He was suffering because people had been using him, playing him for their own game. He also recognised the role he played in the creation of the voices, if only he had been stronger and braver then there would be no voices. He could sit all day and belittle himself about the ifs and buts but the reality was it happened and that was it.

"Juice I think that's enough for today. We'll pick up here again tomorrow, same time."

Juice was exhausted.

* * *

Hannah paced slowly around the long corridor of the hospital. She was coming back from lunch in the main canteen of the hospital and sipping slowly on her now lukewarm coffee. It was Tuesday so she got a break from conducting group sessions because the hospital had a connection with a local mental health clinic that specialized in positivity talks. So once a week the group got an hour pep talk basically and a break from her. Hannah didn't mind the positivity thing, she had seen it work for some people and she was a firm believer that happier thoughts led to a happier life, but she couldn't stand the preppy little college student that volunteered every week to do the positivity talk. Hannah liked to consider herself a happy person, even a positive person, but she wasn't _that_ happy. Nine times out of ten she was happy but like the majority of people she had her moments too but she was sure the speaker never faltered in their positivity, like ever.

Hannah threw her mostly finished coffee into the waste bin just outside of the heavy security doors before she scanned her key card and made her way inside. With an hour of her time scheduled off, she usually made rounds or caught up with some of the Doctors, but before that she usually stuck her head in to check on the group and their 'power positivity' as some of the younger patients liked to call it, albeit very sarcastically.

Hannah liked to see which patients actually showed up to the power positivity talk, people liked to mix and match. Patients from Monday, Wednesday and Friday's group sessions often showed up to the talk whereas not many of Tuesday, Thursdays and Saturdays group turned up, but it was open to all patients. There was only twelve in each group so there couldn't be that much attending. When Hannah stuck her head in she counted twenty heads sitting down, so four patients were playing lackey and one of them was Juice.

Hannah shook her. Juice wasn't a bad guy, far from it, but he just made life hard for himself. Hannah considered him a friend in here and she liked to think he thought the same for her, but she couldn't be sure. Juice was unpredictable, in his words and actions.

Hannah was now on the hunt for her four missing patients that weren't at the group positivity talk. It wasn't that they weren't allowed to skip, more so that it was frowned upon if their therapist found out and she liked to keep them out of trouble if she could. She found Marley fairly quick, hiding out in his room and convinced him to go to the talk, Alice wasn't far behind him and Ricky an older patient followed after them with his head hung.

Juice was her last stop and she knew exactly where to find him. He liked to spend his recreation time sitting by one of the big bay windows down the back of the long room looking out at the back of the hospitals gardens. It was a nice view if the bars weren't on the windows.

"I knew I'd find you here." Hannah said as she pulled up a plastic chair to sit beside Juice.

Juice briefly smiled at Hannah but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Sooo, why aren't you sitting in on the 'power positivity' speech?" Hannah inquired as she looked over Juice's appearance. He looked tired. Drained even.

"I don't feel like it today." Juice mumbled, still looking over at the garden.

"Are you okay? Sleeping well?"

"Just fine." Juice kept his answer short and clipped.

Hannah sighed at Juice's cold front. She was used to people being hot and cold in the hospital, didn't mean she liked it from anyone.

"Ok, seeing as you're full of chat today, why don't you go to the talk so someone will shut you up?" She was joking of course but Juice didn't crack a smile.

"No." Juice remained tight lipped. And Hannah sighed.

They remained quiet for a few minutes just looking out the window. Juice lost in his thoughts and Hannah trying to think of something that would get Juice talking again.

"What's it like, yano, to be in a Motorcycle group?" Hannah tried using a topic Juice might like to talk about.

"Club. They call it a club, not group."

"Oh right, club then. What's it like? Is it as dangerous as people say?" Hannah was genuinely curious. She had never had a patient that was a criminal before.

"I don't know, it can be I guess. Depends on what you call dangerous." Juice shrugged his shoulders, not really wanting to talk about the club today. He had enough with his thoughts about them.

"What would _you_ call dangerous?"

"Can we _stop_ with the questions?!" Juice snapped hotly. Hannah looked startled as her hazel eyes widen as she glanced at Juice. She was so shocked and startled by his outburst.

"Fine." Hannah stood up and placed her chair back, ready to give Juice the space he so desperately desired. She left him sitting there staring out the window alone.

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